I’m ending a consanguine marriage, my dream to be a housewife is over. Cook, bathe, make the bed, to think of you. Not much of thinking but just doing. Possibly a mere distraction to give me purpose, maybe it's not much of an aspiration after all.

Well here I am, I’ve never cleaned much and had others to do that for me. I’m just not well equipped - similarly to how I fail to maintain any sort of healthy relationship.

When you hold me in your arms it isn’t because you love me, you pity me and when you feed me I promise not to bite your hand anymore.

I don’t know the right way to exist. Time has just stopped but it’s just me, everything surrounding is still the same and I continue to coast along. I don’t do well with change. It’s finally getting warmer outside, it was this temperature when I was in China. Faking it through the cold months and finally just losing control in a typical ill-conceived manner. I guess it would also just be the human condition to not be satisfied. Wanting more, pushing for more, never offering enough. Suddenly you don’t feel grounded anymore and encounter a shift.

Change is when your local grocery store no longer sells the prickly pear Pellegrino...

I’ve been trying to grow this tree, I guess it’s more like a sapling. It’s three years old but feels like a lifetime. I cannot possibly maintain this little monster myself, it has become a mundane chore and he has lost interest. (Kind of like when you give a child a toy and after a few minutes they want something else that isn’t worn out with emotional baggage, but I think I’m just projecting). At this point I’m the tree, we’re all trees. We can all be self sufficient and strong!